Unlucky In Love?

Unlucky In Love?
By Mars Venus (John Gray)

We recently asked our Mars Venus telephone coaches to name the top relationship struggle they hear from female callers. The number one response was dating relationships that have failed because the man pulled away, stopped calling, or just turned out to be Mr. Wrong. Women report that these unsuccessful relationships leave them feeling powerless, mistreated, and sometimes wondering if they are even worthy of love.

Well, ladies, MarsVenus.com has some great suggestions to motivate you to toss out your tissues and climb aboard the happiness train! First and foremost, we can assure you that, as bleak as things may seem right now, things will get better. Man or no man, you are in control of your destiny in a relationship. Let’s explore how you can take responsibility for creating a healthy relationship.

To build a great relationship, we have to start by loving ourselves. It is impossible to love someone else, or to be loved by someone else, if we don’t feel worthy of love. In relationships, people tend to attract their mirror images. If you want to attract a self-assured and fulfilled partner, you must also have a healthy self-esteem and a life that works, regardless of where the relationship is headed. A relationship and a partner cannot be expected to fulfill all of our needs. It is important to have a strong sense of who we are in order to bond with a partner without losing a healthy sense of our own worth.

Some women sleep around in order to build up their self-esteem, which is an approach that usually backfires. If this is your choice, it’s okay to depend on a man for romantic stimulation, but it’s not healthy to depend on him to feel worthy of the attention. A woman must first feel valuable within herself, and then get a man’s affection. If she needs his affection to feel special or important, she will be too dependent upon him. Ultimately, this unhealthy neediness may well turn him off, and she will get hurt. In the ideal world, a man should be the icing on the cake for a woman, not the cake itself!

Ladies, remember that it is okay to say no to sex if you are not ready. You should expect men to ask for sex; it’s what most men do. You should keep in mind that a man doesn’t really expect her to say yes. Many men anticipate the worst and hope for the best. Women who feel unsure of themselves, who are perhaps a little needy, may give in too easily. Women are often afraid of losing a man if she does not say yes. Ironically, he will leave anyway if she gives in too soon! Men need to chase for a while. When a man cares about a woman, though he may want to have sex, he also just wants to spend time with her.

Men really like being “used” by women, meaning that men need to feel helpful. They want to do things for women. They want to buy dinner and give little gifts and generally do nice things to make a woman feel good. They want to be the one doing the pursuing in a relationship. And, women, you don’t owe them anything. You do not have to “do something” to earn their love and attention. All you have to do is be interested in and receptive to what a man has to offer.

Now that we’ve covered the basics, consider the following five powerful, esteem-building rules for women to put into practice:

1. Date around.
If you tend to start thinking about china patterns after just one date, he’ll have good reason to walk the other way. Meet a variety of men; after all, you deserve the best one for you!

2. Don’t be too available/don’t sit around and wait for his call.
Remember, men love the thrill of the chase. A confident woman is irresistible to a man. Make room in your schedule to take a class, join a club, or volunteer for a favorite cause.

3. Don’t drop everything for him when he does call.
Men are interested in women who have truly satisfying lives. The woman who leads a fulfilling life, with the positive influence of friends and interests, sends a message to men that she is responsible for her own happiness.

4. Have sex when you are ready.
Remember, having sex early can increase your emotional bond, so if you’re still exploring the possibilities of a relationship, make sure you’re ready. It’s absolutely okay to wait until you are!

5. Do not pursue a man more then he is pursuing you.
This is so important for women to put into practice. His job is to seduce you; it’s your job to attract his interest. A man will be less likely to commit if he does not get to pursue.

If you’re following these golden rules and still having dating difficulties, perhaps it is time to call a coach to figure out once and for all why it’s not working! Dating does not have to be as difficult as it is for many people. Often, just one phone call can uncover what is causing you to fail, and set you on the path to a healthier relationship! And of course, the best way to find out how and why coaching works is simply to give it a try.

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